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    Hunting The Joe Way



    To start with, I think people make hunting out to be a lot more complicated than it really needs to be. I mean, basically what you're talkin' about is a guy gets a stick that goes bang, pointing it at some critter. That's all there is. Walk out in the woods. Wait for a critter. Shoot that critter. Take it home and grill it.

    So, I don't mean there's not skill involved. But what my grampy taught me is, having a lot of fancy-ass gear don't make you no sharp shooter.

    Here's the no-bull hunting guide for gettin'your game the Joe Way.

    Get a good gun. Not a technical one, you don't need that stuff. Just gets in the way. You want to spend your dough on the firestick itself, not all the accessories. Doesn't matter how nice your scope is if the thing won't shoot. Get a big one, one that don't matter if it gets wet, or knocked up a few times.

    Get somewhere safe to stow it. No point gettin a good gun if you're gonna let some low life steal it out from you. Get a big lock box. They're pretty much the number one thing you can do for your self esteem. It's like having Fort Knox.

    Use your hunting as an excuse to take a vacation. I use this on my Ma all the time. Oh, shit Ma, can't sit around the house all week, I gotta go up to Michigan. There's the biggest bucks in the world up there. You bring back a nice chunk of venison, nobody tells you twice you gotta hang around doin' nothing. I think this whole staycation business is a load of buckturds. You get a day off, you skip town. It's more fun that way. I mean, you basically know where all the critters hide around your woods. Get your tent together, bring some jerky, and go have an adventure. Like Davy Crockett.

    Shoot everything. People spend lots of money on fancy-ass targets, range passes and all sorts of other jackshit. You don't need that. Shoot everything. I mean everything. Line up some cans, shoot that. Hang old cans from a branch, like a gallows. Shoot that to. Best way to practice on a moving target. You get good at cans on a breezy day, you'll bag more 12 pointers than every yuppie with a sniper rifle. 

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    Fishing The Joe Way


    Get a motorboat. You don't want to spend all day paddling. People thing the motor scares off the fishes. Well, turn it off! Just power out where you wanna go, shut it off, and wait ten minutes. You woulda spent more time pushin yourself out there anyway!

    Bring a picnic. That's right. Nothin fancy. Just get some meat, maybe a sandwich, something for snacks, and a bunch of beer. Nothin beats layin around on a boat with a cold one waiting for some big fishy to bite.

    Get an ice bucket to put your catch in. Nothing worse than waitin all day for the big fat one to bit and having it get all funky on the way back home.

    Stop taking pictures with your fishes. Nobody wants to see that. 

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    Grillin' the Joe Way

    Now, my view on grillin' is pretty simple, as you probably guessed. I just take stuff, and put it on the grill. Here's the trick. Everyone tells you grill for 23 minutes, flip 7 times, do a little jig, blah blah. All you gotta do is make it really hot, and stick shit on. That's all there is to it.

    So here's some stuff I like to grill:

    -Burgers: Nothin' more to say. Big, juicy burgers. Sometimes, I stick cheese in the middle. Then it starts oozin' out the sides. That's when you know it's done! And I always stick some more cheese on top, just to be safe.

    -Steaks: Simple. Just throw it on. No stupid marinates. If you wanna get fancy, pour some salad dressing. That'll fix her up right.


    -Corn: Don't even shuck it. Kick it on full bore and let er rip!

    -Pizza: You can take frozen ones, or make your own. Way better than the oven. It gets all charcoaly and good. Plus it's super quick.

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